my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
