the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
home. puking in laundry basket.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
