I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
