Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
