You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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