omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
