Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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