We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
