yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
