I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
