He is an equal opportunity slut.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
