You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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