I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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