My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
