I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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