Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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