Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
