You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
