I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
