eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
