My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
