I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The Olympian is in my bed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
