When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
