dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
