Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
