i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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