yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
