and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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