Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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