so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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