I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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