are you still at the devil's house?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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