If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Randomize
