i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
