She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My liver just broke up with me...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
