does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
