My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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