I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
