Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
