I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
