she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
