porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
