Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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