the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
