i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
