The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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