"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
