Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
