No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
