handjob tips. give me some.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
