im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
