Can i not drive my cunt home
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
