You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
