I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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