so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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