I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
