oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sext me about skeletons
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
