Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
